Monday, 7 May 2012

Grizzly thoughts



Is "grizzly" a word? Suitable for when discussing weather I mean, not the bear. I accidentally said it when I meant that the weather is gray and drizzly, but Steve says it's not a word. Either way, it sums up Belfast-weather perfectly and considering how often the weather is gray and drizzly - there should be a word to sum it up. For time-saving purposes. The picture is grizzly, although it was taken in London last summer, rather than Belfast. If anything, Belfast is grizzlier.

I'm drinking instant coffee and taking a break in between revising for my second and third lecture for today. I have a detailed plan and if I follow it I should be sufficiently prepared for my exams (which are over in two weeks). I've also handed in my big project of the year, two days early. Having a plan calms me down, because I'm the kind of person who stress over exams and other life-affecting events. I have also realised that planning things in detail and always making sure that I know what's ahead is very important to me, and that's okay. There is a reason that I felt bad when I didn't care about my studies years ago. The dissonance between who I wanted to be, who I felt like I ought to be, and the person I was at that point put me in a bad place. (Cognitive dissonance theory for you there - you're welcome.) So now I make an effort to try to please my controlling self. To a certain extent. I'm not a very spontaneous person - that's okay.

Steve turned 23 years the other day and I childishly joked about how cool I feel every year when that month comes around when there's two years between us in age on paper. He replied that I'm weird (in a lovable way), but that's cool with me. I like to think back of the things that used to be important to me and applying them to my life now. In a month I will be twenty-two. According to my plan for life when I was several years younger I should be studying to become one of the following; teacher, journalist or psychologist. Check. I should have my own home, preferably somewhere outside of Sweden. Check. This home should be a loft on a high-rise building in a huge city, with brick-walls and giant windows. Uh. Not exactly. I should be single, but in a year or so I'll meet the man of my dreams. Well. I'm not single, but technically I might just be a little ahead of my goals there (cheesy, I know. Sorry). I should have had my driver's license for years by now. No, but I do plan on getting it over with before October this year. I should always have perfect hair. This goal is on the polar opposite of achieved. What is wrong with my hair?!

I've started volunteering at a school as a classroom assistant. I move around the classroom and help the kids with their spelling and maths. I cut and paste their homework into paper-bound books that they can bring home and show their parents. I work the photocopying machine like a pro. I clean up around the classroom. In general, I give the teacher a little bit more time to teach, rather than spending time doing all the extra things that teachers are expected to do. And I really enjoy it, more than I expected. There is a certain pressure in British schools, the young kids are pushed much harder than I feel that they are in Sweden. Or rather, teaching is a little less individualised. I think this levels out in the long run, there are bad things and good things about both teaching systems. After reading around it seems like maybe the British system is better for the high-achieving students, while the Swedish system is good for supporting the kids who struggle in school. The more I think about it, the less certain I am and whomever I talk to is most likely to prefer his or her own school background.

I really only logged on to write a little about the weather, but it seems that I had other things on my mind that needed to be written down. I'm sure very few will find my thoughts as interesting as I do, but then again, blogging should be as much for oneself as for others.

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